Since the time i breathe the first,
Father didn’t acknowledge me,
It’s after a few days of bubble burst,
He sees a girl born to thee.
I don’t know who seemed happy,
And who sweetly sulked in dismay,
Its a whole new world so snappy,
My walk began in slow array.
Grandfather cemented me a unique name,
He happened to like it to all base,
He anxiously awaited my glimpse frame,
But died in sad hiatus disgrace.
“It’s only a girl” they said,
Fathers’ sisters’ loathed aloud,
Even at grandfathers’ death bed,
They stood their ground amongst the crowd.
I was tiny back then,
Knew not much of this life,
I smiled again and again,
Not knowing, hell neared with a knife.
Age 5 saw a flip flop turn,
Disowned by fathers sisters came along,
I only cried for being kept out to burn,
In tears, for the smile i wanted to prolong.
Father grew furious each passing day,
I recall his unending punishment for me,
Each thing engraved my fault in sway,
Today it reflects my misery to thee.
He cracked my bones for math i didn’t know,
Said i needed to learn the hard way,
I never understood any of his flow,
Only kept pace with his ballet.
Mother never said much at all,
Though She tried to make him stop,
Maybe If she had put up against the wall,
Then fathers’ incline could have a drop.
He’d lock me in the car for hours,
for some words i spelled out at church,
He’d enforce his super manly powers,
For someone like me, a birch.
I’d keep locked up in my own room,
That kept me safe from the outside much,
Yet i feared the walls of this tomb,
Cause they wouldn’t protect any touch.
I knew my books inside out,
So much i could list the page,
Filled within me was all doubt,
I wondered if I’d smile at any stage.
Father and Mother had their share of plight,
Filled with fights and anxiety all along,
Adding advantage was the siblings delight,
And i stood there as the unfinished song.
Never got a day to be with friends,
I would envy their life in silence,
Never did i see anyone make amends,
I lived in a home on my own islands.
I’m scared of the belt that paves it way,
Marking its territory on my skin,
I’m scared of the hands that hold it everyday,
I’d Rather only keep Myself within.
As i grew older and saw high school days,
Father preached his expectations high,
I lived up to it in each countable ways,
Mother placed her prestige to the sky.
It’s always for others i fought myself with,
Pleasing everyone in the exhibit,
If i failed one step in this blind myth,
Everyone saw me as one not to inhibit.
I fell in love with a charming boy,
Love encompassed me through,
He broke my heart to destroy,
A part of me and end of you.
I kept myself at par from the world,
No one would understand my plea,
I was in high school when love swirled,
that element was all i wanted to be.
When college came to an amazing end,
I knew I’d miss my friends the most,
‘Cuz somewhere a smile struck in this bend,
It only claimed to have a grand toast.
When i fell in love again this time,
My feelings took over my mind,
But sooner it ended in rhythm chime,
Again i was taken through the grind.
Every step i needed a healing hand,
One of mother to behold,
Maybe father could just stand,
And help me heal in this unfold.
Nothing happened as i wished it to be,
I was there helpless as ever,
For ’twas family in reality that got to me,
As promised I’d see love never.
I have the degrees in my plate,
I have the expectations of the world done,
I have seen everyone smile au fait,
Only mine was shot away with the gun.
Is it wrong to ask for love,
To only have that one feeling inside,
Compassion dwells in every dove,
Yet I’m left alone worldwide.
I fear falling for any hope now,
For its a downhill in these years I’ve seen,
Every tear takes a solemn bow,
As i walk down the big screen.
Even today it’s always a bend,
I’ve lived 25% of my life this way,
If someday i get to make amend,
I’ll be on my own getaway.
I’ve seen a decay in my family happen,
Towards me hatred so prolonged,
I’d prefer a grave in sharpen,
N leave this curse than scrape along.